Sleepless Or Just Insane
by Vampire's Gossip Girl
Summary: Was I going insane? After the death of Mason, some sleepless nights and aura stories Rose  questions her sanity. Only Dimitri and her friends can help now. And what's happening with the strigoi planning an attack? R&R
1. It's Not Your Fault

**So here is my first Vampire Academy fanfiction, I really hope you like it, please be nice with me, I wrote this chapter at 3am :D**

**Here's a brief summary:**

**Takes place in Frostbite, a day after Dimitri found Rose with Mason's body and the two killed strigoi. Rose and Dimitri are of course fighting the problems with their relationship, Rose has to fight insanity and nightmares, and there's a huge problem with strigoi.**

**I won't tell you more, because it wouldn't be fun to read anymore!**

**So read and review!**

Chapter 1: It's not your fault

It's been one day since Mason's death, one long dark day. I've been wandering around the academy's campus like a zombie. I skipped classes, not that I cared much, and I even skipped training with Dimitri.

Although I know that he's been looking for me, I successfully avoided him over the past hours, I just wanted to be alone. And I really have been alone, I even managed to block Lissa from my head.

So here I was, sitting by the lake in the middle of the academy's forest, waiting for my life to turn good again. "Roza?" I turned around to look into my favourite pair of chocolate brown eyes. Dimitri. I just looked at him and he stared back.

Then he sat down next to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. He didn't say anything but that wasn't necessary, I just needed him close to me.

"Have you been out here all the time?" I just shrugged and leaned against his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered in my ear but I just shook my head. I didn't want to talk about it, with anybody.

"Can we please go back to your dorm? Everyone is worried about you!" I slightly nodded, he stood up and pulled me with him. Slowly we walked to the building, on our way back we crossed Alberta's path. "Guardian Petrov" Dimitri greeted Alberta in typical guardian manner. "Guardian Belikov. Miss Hathaway." She nodded and was about to walk away when she turned around. "Rose, I'm sorry about what happened."

I knew it meant sincere and comforting but I didn't let my body react. Dimitri smiled apologizing for me and let me to my dorm.

I lay down, just like I was dressed and Dimitri was about to leave when I asked him. "Please, stay here with me." My voice was just a whisper but still he heard it. Slowly he came back and lay down next to me.

Soon I heard him snoozing but my eyes stayed open, like they had the past day, I didn't expect to get some sleep anytime soon. But I just stayed where I was, enjoying the company I had tonight.

In the morning when Dimitri woke up, he looked at me and smiled. "Roza … You need to talk about what happened. No one gets over their first kills easily, especially if a close friend dies."

"I don't really want to talk about what happened." I whisper, recalling pictures of the dead strigoi, of Mason's body. "Maybe I need to talk about it." I looked down but took my face into his hands and made me look up to him. "When I saw your face … when we found you in that house … you can't even imagine how felt."

I looked at him questioningly, maybe he was right, and maybe he needed to talk about it too. "How did you feel?"

"Devastated … grief-stricken. You were alive, but the way you looked, you weren't alive anymore and now you haven't recovered and I'm scared that you never will. It tears me apart to think that something bad like this is happening while you are so young."

He pulled my hair out of my face. "But you will recover, I will help you, I'm always there for you."

"It's my entire fault." I whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Mason's death."

"Roza, don't do this to yourself. It was not your fault. Sure you did make some bad decisions, but you can't blame yourself for this. You didn't kill him." I laughed sadly. "I might as well have. I don't think there's any difference. I told him where the strigoi were."

"Don't blame yourself. You can regret your decision, but Mason made his own."

I looked at him for a long time, his words made sense but in my heart I didn't believe in them. I should've done something to keep Mason alive.

"I should visit Lissa, I'll see you at practice sessions." I said hasty and got up from bed but I didn't get far. Dimitri's hand had stopped me. "No."

"Excuse me?"

"No" he repeated. "I told her no. Tasha." My eyes widened, I couldn't believe what I just heard. "What? But why would you do this? You could have had a family with her. And she was … you know, she was really into you."

A strange smiled crept over his face. "I know, and that's why I didn't take the offer, I just didn't return these feelings and could never do so when my heart is set with someone else."

I still couldn't believe I heard him say that. "But you looked so into her, too. You had fun with her. And you were always complaining about how young and stupid I acted."

"Oh Roza, you act so young because you are young. But you were right about something else. You were right about how I was fighting control. It's like I'm an open book to you, and this scares me. Nobody ever understood me so well when I was trying to hide my feelings."

I looked at him and suddenly I understood why everything in the past month happened the way it did with him.

"You feel vulnerable? Is that the problem?" He laughed and nodded. "Yes, that is the problem. It's much easier being with someone who's more a casual friend."

"Like Tasha?"

"Yes, like Tasha, but she doesn't …" He didn't seem to find the right words. "She doesn't get to you?" He nodded again. I knew exactly what he meant, it had been exactly the same with Mason. "I still wanted the relationship to work. I thought she could make me forget you, but it didn't work."

"Is that a problem?"

"Yes"

"Because it's wrong for us to be together?"

"Yes"

"Because of the age difference? Because of Lissa?"

"Yes"

I looked down, now really sad. I had expected this conversation to end different. "But none of this is important to me anymore." I heard him whisper and suddenly he kissed me.

This was kind of our first real kiss, no spell, not me stealing a kiss in training session. I entangled my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me.

He pressed me down onto the bed and put his arms on either side of my face, while my hands wandered into his hair.

It could have been one of my best moments, but suddenly the door opened. "Rose, Lissa sent me to get you, you really have to …" The voice was cut off. Dimitri got off of me and we both watched as Eddie stood there frozen.

He looked disgusted and angry. Before I could say a word he turned around and began to walk away. "We are in deep trouble" I mumbled and Dimitri stroked my back comforting. "I know."

**I hope you liked the first chapter, it got a bit corny but I promise the next one will be with more actions. Love you guys! 3 Lis **

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	2. Friends And Enemies

**I just want to thank Kim, Datass-assin and Chloemareeb for being my first reviewers. Thanks so much! Please keep reading and reviewing.**

**So here's the newest chapter, I don't know if you will like it so just enjoy:**

Chapter 2: Friends and Enemies

„Eddie! Wait!" I ran after him as fast as I could but he didn't listen and kept going. Luckily I was faster than him. Just when I placed a hand on his shoulder he turned around. "What, Rose? What do you want to say?" The anger in his voice made me step back. "Since you want to talk to me so badly, would you like to explain yourself? Care to explain why I found you making out with Belikov not even three days after you boyfriend's death?"

"It's not what you think it is." What a bullshit line… "Oh, so what is it then?" Damn it, how could I explain this. "Eddie, I can't give you any reasonable explanation but please I beg you: do not tell anybody!"

"How can you ask me that?" Eddie practically screamed at me. "Please, I just have a lot on my mind lately and with all the problems around. Just give me some time and I'll explain everything." After some time Eddie nodded and walked away. I took it as his silent confirmation that the secret would stay between the two of us.

I was on my way to class, yes I actually had decided to go to classes again, when I heard two familiar voices. "You can't do this, if they catch we'll be executed for treason."

I abruptly stopped, this wasn't any of the usual gossip talk around school, this was about something serious. As quiet as I could, I snuck closer to the two persons talking. "Are you getting cold feed now? This isn't something where you just bail out." The voice was dark and almost threatening. "Jesse, don't you think we're taking it a bit too far?" So it was Jesse and the other voice must belong to his lapdog Ralf.

"We are doing, what we have to do, Ralf! Just think of what will wait for us in the end." Jesse said to his friend with an intense voice. A little too intense for my linking; then it hit me, he was using compulsion.

"The strigoi will be here very soon, and finally the right people will have the control over this place." The strigoi? He was using strigoi to get power? I was already half way at Kirova's office when I noticed something. This was all unbelievable, she would never believe me.

But what should I be doing instead, going to Dimitri? No, he was already way too worried about me. Lissa? No, she had enough problems on her own. Maybe Adrian, he had proven trustworthy over the last few weeks.

So I started to make my way to his dorm, I slowly knocked on his door. He opened fast and when he saw me, his face turned a little sad. "Little dhamphir, what brings you here." – "I heard something really weird and I need to talk to somebody but nobody would believe me."

He chuckled and pulled me inside. "So you chose to come to the person who is the most insane around here." I smiled at him, he was definitely not the most insane person here; there was still Alice and there had been Mrs. Karp and there was me.

"Well, my little dhamphir, start at the beginning." And so I did, he just sat there and listened to me in silence. In the end he looked at me with a strange look on his face. "I know you are really worried and I believe that you heard what you heard but don't you think that Jesse and Ralf talk a lot of rubbish. And they are still teenagers, them being involved in some kind of plot is not very likely."

"You are probably right." I stood up to walk out of his room, training with Dimitri would start in a few minutes. He accompanied me to the door, I was about to fully leave when I turned around and hugged him tightly, whispering a thank you to him. He laughed and hugged me back; "When this is what I get if I listen to your problems, then you're most welcome to come back again."

I smiled at him and left to the gym. There I met Dimitri, he wasn't in his training clothes and neither was I. "I think we should skip training today." Since I didn't feel like doing much sport I sat down next to me. After a while I noticed that he was checking me out. "What?" I asked him confused, what was it now? "Roza, when was the last time you slept? You have huge circles under the eyes."

I pulled out my make-up mirror and looked at my face. He was right, I looked exhausted and sick. "I don't remember when I last slept, must have been about two or three days ago." I answered shocked, I couldn't really believe that it had been such a long time.

"Well, you really should, it's unhealthy to miss that much of sleep." He softly pulled me to my feet. "Please go to your dorm and sleep for a few minutes. I nodded and followed his advice.

On my way to my room I crossed the path of some students; apparently they noticed my looking but even in my more zombie like status I noticed the whispers behind my back. That could only mean new gossip, just great!

I tried to ignore it but as I walked though the common rooms it got too much. "Hey Rose, didn't get much sleep last night." A random moroi boy yelled. "I guess you were busy." What the hell was that all about? They couldn't possibly know about me and Dimitri, could they? No, Eddie wouldn't do that to me.

"I bet Adrian had fun, too." Adrian? "I have no idea what the hell you guys are talking about." I said exhausted. "Oh please Rose, we saw you today walking out of Adrian's room. You guys were practically making out!"

Could this day get more complicated? "Okay, I'm going to say this once again and this time hopefully for the last time: Adrian and I are just friends nothing more." I really tried to stay calm but somehow I ended up yelling and ran off to my dorm to finally get some sleep.

**Okay, I hope you like it, though it's not my favourite chapter. I promise the next one will be better.**

**Please review, thx!**

**Love you guys! 3**

**Lis**


	3. Nightmares

**Here is the next chapter. I'm really happy I managed to write it today, I was quiet busy. So please enjoy!**

**And thanks to anyone who is reading this story, especially to those who review!**

Chapter 3: Nightmares

_I was in huge church like building, the only light came from four torches which were poisoned in square around an altar. But what struck me the most was that I was chained to this table. What was going on here? I tried to sit up as much as possible, as I looked down myself I saw a white long dress, I'd never wear willingly._

"_Hello? Is anybody out there?" I shouted but only my voice came back. How did I get into this situation? But yet the better question was: how would I get out of this? As strong as I could I pulled on my chains however it was helpless._

_Therefore I was forced to stay in my uncomfortable situation. To distract myself I started observing my surroundings to find some evidence of my location._

_Suddenly I heard a voice from behind me. "Ah, the sleeping beauty awakes." This voice was so cold and icy that it made me shiver._

_Then the figure came in my sight, he was wearing a large coat and the hood was pulled down over his head, so it was impossible for me to see his face. Before I could say or do anything he pulled out a knife and stabbed me right into my heart._

My eyes opened immediately and I sat up breathing heavily. As fast as possible I turned the lights on; I was back in my room in the academy. My sleeping wear was drowned in sweat and my hair was a total mess.

"It was a dream. It was just a dream." I kept repeating quietly to myself. When I looked at my clock I realized that only 30 minutes had past. Strange, to me it felt like hours.

After sometime I couldn't bear it longer and stood up. I walked to my own little bathroom to get cleaned up. The reflection in my mirror scared me; it was my face, but it was alien. I was pale and the circles under my eyes seemed to be more present then before. It took a hot shower, half of my face and twenty minutes of combing my hair to get at least close to my usual look.

I wanted to get out of here, I didn't want to be locked in a small room, so I sneaked out of my room. It wasn't really hard to fool the dorm guardian. Somehow I ended up walking around the campus without a special destination. Where should I go?

"Rose?" A voice came from behind. I nearly jumped in the air. Slowly I turned around, facing my most hated teacher, Stan. "Guardian Alto"

"Do you have any explanation why you are out here after curfew?" What was wrong with people lately, they always wanted explanations from me. "I don't think I have one that would satisfy you." He nodded and came closer to me. "Are you going to take me to Kirova now?" I asked defeated but he just shook his head.

"Oh no, you are not mine or Kirova's problem anymore. Belikov has to take care of you now." He said laughing and dragged me to the guardian dorms. "I wonder what guardian Belikov will say when we get him out of bed now or rather what he will do." Finally we reached Dimitri's room, Stan knocked on the door. After a few seconds a very drowsy Dimitri appeared.

When he saw me, he just rolled his eyes and turned to Stan. "What did she do this time?" He seemed really tied and suddenly I got a bad conscience, I really didn't want him to suffer from a lack of sleep because of me.

"Why don't you ask her? I found her wandering around the campus. But I'll just leave her here with you to take care of. Have a good night." With that Stan turned around and walked away. Dimitri still stood in the door frame and stared at me when I looked at him again. "Do you want to come in?" He asked me and I just nodded.

I followed him into the room, since the last time I had been here some things had changed. Besides his strictly ordered western novels was a picture of him and a brown haired girl who looked very similar to Dimitri, probably related. "Your sister?"

"Yes, this is Victoria … Roza, where were you going?" I looked up at him, slightly confused. "I don't know, I just needed some fresh air." Dimitri then pointed me to sit down on the bed and went to the window to open it.

"You were not on your way … to Adrian, were you?" My head shot up, so the newest gossip had reached him, too. "Do you think I'm cheating on you?" To my surprise he was silent for quite some time. "I would never accuse you of something like that. It's just that … I heard some students talk." I groaned, it hadn't even been a day when I came out of Adrian's room and already the whole academy seemed to think that we were having an affair.

"It's not like that, Dimitri."

"Well, were you leaving his room in the morning, wearing the same clothes as the day before and making out with him?" It really did surprise me that he could keep it voice so calm when it troubled him so much, but after all he was a guardian.

"Okay yes, I was in his room for some time and left in the same clothes, but I didn't make out or anything. I just needed to talk with someone and Adrian seemed to be the right price. Please believe me I just love you." He seemed to be pleased but not happy with me spending so much time with Adrian. I leaned towards him and kissed him on the lips.

"Why are you even awake at this hour?"

"I had a nightmare, but I guess everything is alright now." He asked me if I wanted to talk but I didn't, so we just laid down and he was asleep soon. I however could not get back to sleep, and wouldn't before I hadn't found a way to prevent these kind of dreams.

**So I hope you like it. This whole nightmare thing will get more important in the next chapters. Please review, it makes me happy and a happy me will write better and longer chapters! Love you guys! 3 Lis**

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	4. Hallucinations

**Here's the latest chapter, please enjoy:**

Chapter 4: Hallucinations?

It began like other Tuesday, after breakfast I went to guardian class with Stan. I wasn't paying much attention like usually, of course Stan was pissed off and began a huge bitch session. It covered the typical stuff up, such as irresponsibility and incompetence.

When Stan had finished he just went back to his lessons, I could practically feel Dimitri's look on my back. As inconspicuous as possible I turned towards him, he had his guardian face on but his eyes seemed like they were telling me that he was sorry. Sighing I turned back to my table and began to draw some stuff on my pad, when I heard a voice on my right sight. "So, you are still alive that's interesting."

Slowly I turned my head towards the voice, the coated man stood there, merely 5 feet away. Faster than I had ever saw anything move he sprang towards me and I couldn't help but scream.

"Miss Hathaway, if you want to sleep please don't do it in my lessons." Stan yelled at me. And again, to calm myself down, I kept repeating to myself: "It was just a dream" But was it?

"Great, Hathaway has gone insane now." The comment was accompanied by a lot of laughter. I tried to stand up to go away but when I stood straight everything went black.

"What do you think happened in the class room?" I heard Dimitri ask someone. "I'm not sure but I'll do some new checkups and tell you then alright?" Dr. Olenski replied; slowly I opened my eyes. I was lying in a hospital bed. "Ah, Miss Hathaway! Good to see you are awake. How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright, I guess." She nodded and wrote some things in my record. "I'll go and check your blood tests, please call if there are any problems."

When the door had closed behind her, Dimitri immediately came to my bed and pulled me into a hug. "Roza, what happened in the classroom?" Oh, he was worried, really worried. "I'm not quite sure, but everything is okay now, you don't have to worry comrade."

He stared into my eyes for a long time, trying to find a meaning in my words, but gave up fast. "Good, today evening is the molinja ceremony" Suddenly I felt all exciting and the next moment ashamed, the molinjas weren't something to be excited about. These molinjas had had a high prize, Mason had given his life.

Dr. Olenski decided to annoy me and therefore keep me locked up in the hospital wing until it was time for ceremony. She did some test but I just let her do whatever she want, she would do it either way. At 10pm Dimitri came and brought me a black dress and some of my make-up.

The ceremony took place in the catacombs of the academy's main building, Lissa and I had once sneaked here in one of our early years. Back then it had only been a place where once people had been tortured and strigoi had been held prisoners but now the room had been changed completely. Most guardians had come together and wore their official guardian clothes. The room was decorated with red silk curtains and blue burning torches. With shaking legs I sat down on the chair and got my first tattoos. After this session, every guardian came to great me, Alberta smiled and hugged me, to my own surprise Stan told me that he always had known I would be one of the best, and Dimitri just held me in his arms and whispered in my ear: "I love you" and walked away.

My mum had left the academy straight after the incident to guard her moroi, so she wasn't there. It upset me, I thought our relationship had gone better but I must have been wrong. Somehow I just blended out my twisted feeling towards my mother.

After some time the room began to empty, still I sat down at a wall in the back of the hall. I needed to think; what happened today in the class was not normal!

"Little dhamphir!" Speaking of not normal, there he was an insane smoking alcoholic. "I thought you would still be here." I looked towards him he stood right before me and smiled down at me, and then sat down. "So, I heard from your little breakdown in Stan's class. You want to talk about it?"

He saw my reticence and immediately told me that I wouldn't have to tell him if I didn't want to. But I did! I did want to talk about it. "Last night, when I tried to sleep, it was only for half an hour. And this dream ... nightmare ... it just" I paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. "It was just so real. I woke up in a church like room and was chained to an altar. Then some creepy man came and stabbed me. And today, in Stan's class, suddenly this man appeared next to me and attacked me again."

I hugged him, in that moment I wish I could talk with Dimitri about it, but I knew he would be way too worried about me and he already had a hard time lately. "Do you have an idea what happened?"

"Well, either I'm going insane or my dreams come to life." I laughed bitterly but Adrian had a thoughtful look on his face. "When was the last time you really slept?" I thought about it, since Mason's death I hadn't really slept and if it had always been a nightmare. "Since Mason's death only some minuets, I guess."

"I think I know what happened in class with you?" I looked up at him, I really hadn't expected Adrian to have the answers to my questions. "You do?" – "Yes after so many hours without sleep the body begins to react, like with hallucinations or with falling asleep momentarily, I think that's what happened with you."

"Do you have any idea what I can do to prevent nightmares or this momentarily sleep?"

"We'll find a way."

**That's it for today. I like it, although Dimitri doesn't play a main part in it, but Adrian is really cute here, isn't he?**

**Please review!**


	5. X

I'll be on vacation for one week, sadly without internet so all my stories will have to wait for a week tob e continued. Sorry Guys! Keep reading my stories!

Lis


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